Top 10 Ways to Beat the Holiday Blues

You know those hallmark commercials with the perfect family sitting around the perfect tree in their perfect holiday pajamas next to the perfect fireplace with their perfectly whitened-teeth?

YEAH… THAT SHIT IS NOT REAL. 

The holidays are painted as a time of love & cheer [and although that may be true for some people], many people struggle during the winter months. The gloomy winter weather. End of the year madness at work. Taxing family visits. Tons to plan. More to pay for. Painful feelings resurfacing - especially the memory of lost loved ones or perhaps the simple realization of time passing. 

A lot of us attach meaning to the holidays that adds extra pressure to our experiences - ultimately setting us up for disappointment, anxiety, or sadness. 

THE HOLIDAY BLUES ARE A REAL PHENOMENON. IT’S SCIENCE.

During the winter months, stress & depression tends to increase, particularly in those suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder. Six percent of the United States population is affected by Seasonal Affective Disorder, while another 14% of the adult United States population suffers from winter blues. 

A survey conducted by the American Psychological Association found that although the majority of people included in the survey reported feelings of happiness, love, & high spirits over the holidays, those emotions were most often accompanied by feelings of fatigue, stress, irritability, & sadness. The survey also found that 38% of people indicated more intense stress levels during the holiday season due to lack of time, lack of money, commercialism, the pressures of gift-giving, & family gatherings. Also, 56% of respondents indicated they experienced a shit ton more pressure & stress at work. 

Another survey conducted by the Principal Financial Group found that 53% of people experience financial stress due to holiday spending, despite the fact that more than half set budgets for their holiday spending.

So what do you do when the world around you is wrapped in red and green and you’re feeling blue?

First, recognize that you’re not the Grinch, you’re not Scrooge, & you’re most definitely not alone. The holiday blues are real and much more common than you think. 

SECOND, BE KIND TO YOURSELF.

Try not to chastise yourself for what you are and what you’re not feeling. This is particularly important if you’ve recently lost a loved one. We all experience some degree of survivor guilt, but it’s important to not let expectations about how you should feel dictate how you actually feel.  Being respectful to those we’ve lost should include memories of good times together. A smile is just as loving as a tear. While you shouldn’t feel guilty, it’s OK to feel sad and to acknowledge to yourself and to others that you miss your loved one. Show yourself some compassion.

BE ACTIVE 

Cold and dark weather can make us drowsy and discourage us from being physically active. A lack of energy can drain your mood, so to counter this state, it’s important to engage in exercise or other physical activities that release endorphins and boost your energy levels. Maybe try taking a brisk walk in the morning before you begin the day, or in the evening to wind down your day. Studies show that aerobic exercise can be a proven tool to fight depression, so make sure to set some time aside to get your body moving.

STAY ON YOUR OWN SIDE 

Be wary of self-critical thoughts that tend to crop up during the holiday season and end of the year. “You don’t even have a date for this party. You are just going to wind up alone.” “Another year has gone by, and you have nothing to show for it.” These cruel thoughts make up your critical inner voice. This inner enemy evolves out of painful early life experiences, in which we internalized destructive attitudes. As adults, we act out these self-punishing attitudes by listening to our critical inner voice.

It is essential that we get to know our inner critic and that we catch on when it starts to get louder in our minds. We must identify this voice as the enemy it truly is and act against its sabotaging directives. If it lures us to isolate ourselves with thoughts like “You’re better off alone. No one wants you around anyway,” we should seek out friends. If it tells us to break that New Year’s resolution with thoughts like “You’re weak. Just give up already,” we must persevere. In challenging our inner voice, we want to take a kind attitude toward ourselves.

GET TO KNOW YOUR PATTERNS

One of the most valuable questions for people to ask themselves when they feel down is “What am I telling myself in those moments when I start to feel stressed or depressed?” Very often, there is a pattern to our mood swings that is crucial to identify and interrupt.  The moment when our mood starts to plummet can be a sign that our critical inner voice is at work. It’s important to catch on to the ways we are triggered emotionally. A tantrum from one of our kids can spark a scenario from our childhood. A mean comment from a parent can leave us full of self-doubt. Even the weather may alter our mood.

Once we start indulging in the cyclical thinking that drives us to spiral downward, we have to find a way to emerge from this state. When we see a pattern in our thinking, we can stop ourselves from acting out in ways that make us feel worse.

CHOOSE YOUR “FAMILY TIME” 

Family time may sound relaxing and joyful, but not all holiday visits are filled with warmth and affection. Time spent with our families can reactivate old dynamics and stir up old emotional reactions. Depending on where we are at in our lives, seeing our families can ignite feelings of guilt, embarrassment, or anger. Little criticisms from a parent may not seem like a big deal, but they may rekindle feelings of hurt from our childhood. 

Don’t feel guilty to choose the time you spend with your family, and remember, that the time you do spend with them is likely to arouse past emotions. If we go into seeing our family aware of our reactions, we can make conscious choices to differentiate ourselves from old dynamics and behaviors that lead us to feeling bad. By staying aware of our patterns, we are less likely to act in ways we disapprove of, regressing to childish states or becoming moody.

Remember that the holidays are a time to be around the people we love. As author and journalist Edna Buchanan said, “Friends are the family we choose for ourselves.” This holiday season, seek out places that make you feel good and surround yourself with people who keep you positive.

KEEP A BALANCE

Many of us have obligations over the holidays from every end of the spectrum, from the distant relatives we visit to the odd hours we work. It’s essential to be considerate of yourself. Although, it can be easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of shopping lists and dinner menus, it’s important to stay close to your emotions. Be aware of the feelings that come up; be compassionate in allowing yourself to feel them fully; and be mindful in not letting them to take over. 

Depression can arise when we resist feeling pain, sadness, or anger directly. Seek out friends, relatives, or counselors who you can talk to about the emotions this time of year can trigger. Then, as a positive exercise, design a “holiday-of-choice,” in which you decide who you spend your time with and where you go. Even if this means setting aside one night to have dinner with friends or to spend a quiet evening with your partner or spouse, it’s important to engage in activities that make you feel in touch with your true self.

GET OUT AND ABOUT

Resist the temptation to hunker down. COVID makes this one a little tough, but there are still ways. Invite a few family members or friends over. Go grab a coffee. Go to a bookstore. Volunteer. The goal is to be around people. Having a brief conversation or simply exchanging smiles can directly lift your mood. 

TALK TO SOMEONE

Don’t underestimate the power of friends, family, mentors, and neighbors. Talk about your feelings; it can help you understand why you feel the way you do. Making a simple phone call, having a chat over coffee, or writing a nice e-mail, greeting card, or letter can brighten your mood.

START NEW TRADITIONS

Memories and traditions are a big part of the holidays. If your current life circumstances aren’t the best, you may get stuck longing for the happier times in the past at the expense of the present. There are no hard rules for what your holiday should look like. If you’re worried that repeating an old tradition will make you sad, reinvent it for the present.  No kids at home? Make that family cookie recipe for children stuck in the hospital. And if it’s too difficult to stay where you are, give yourself permission to go somewhere that doesn’t hold any memories.  Book a hotel in a town nearby, plan a few activities, buy yourself a present and revel in the anonymity.

What about helping others with the holiday blues?

INCLUDE THEM

Invite them out with you and to get-togethers. Take into account their needs, such as transportation or special diets.

LEND A HAND 

Offer to help them with their cleaning, shopping, cooking, and other preparations such as decorating for get-togethers in their homes.

CHECK IN & BE A GOOD LISTENER

Check in on your friends. So many of us maintain a tough exterior but on the inside, it feels as though we’re falling apart. Be a supportive listener and encourage discussions about feelings and concerns. Acknowledge difficult feelings, including a sense of loss if family or friends have died or moved away. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes to understand how they feel.

ENCOURAGE THEM TO TALK TO AN EXPERT

The holidays can cause people to feel anxious and depressed. But for some, holiday tensions can lead to full-blown clinical depression. Often, older adults don’t realize they are depressed. If you suspect depression in someone you know, you may need to bring it up more than once. Let the person know that depression is not something to be ashamed of.

Ultimately, beating the holiday blues is about staying true to who you are. That may mean saying “yes” to parties and gathering, knowing that you can always leave if necessary. It means respecting your limits without succumbing to self-isolation. It means giving yourself credit for being as merry as you can.

No matter what is causing our winter blues, it’s important to stay on our own side and have faith that these moods can and will pass. To fight these battles, we must believe in our own resilience, in our ability to tolerate pain and to overcome the inevitable hurdles life brings. By challenging our inner critic and differentiating from destructive past influences, we can establish our sense of self and create the life we want to lead.

No matter what the season, we all experience dark times, but we can come out the other end stronger within ourselves.

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The Discovery Doc - Dr. CeCe Brooks - Atlanta Holistic NP